Marlin Clock: ''Ever since I have started this long quest to find truth in the world, only one thing has stayed constant. In my thoughts and in my words the utterance of this very truth has saved me from the pits of despair and the heights of hubris. Whispered in hallowed halls as much as it is trumpeted in raucous pubs is something every red blooded man that lives on the face of the earth can attest to: Eyepatch chicks rule.
How do I have such confidence you ask? Have you ever even contemplated the beauty and majesty having an eyepatch gives to a humble maiden? It can transform her into an unstoppable force of nature whose very essence summons explosions in the brain. She can become a watchdog of death, unafraid of curses. The eyepatch can even turn a grieving girl into a completely adorable moeblob, arresting the thoughts of all like-minded men!